The Benefits of Self Compassion

20 Dec The Benefits of Self Compassion

Today we have a guest blog from Nessie on the topic of self-compassion. Thanks, Nessie!

Self-compassion and its close relative self-appreciation can significantly reduce the toxic effects of self-criticism. Such effects can range from dissatisfaction with life and low-level unhappiness to full-scale anxiety and depression.

We live in an individualistic, competitive and materialistic culture which impacts individual personality with powerful expectations of achievement, success and being above average. In this culture, there is the constant threat of not being good enough, not attractive enough, not wealthy enough or just not being “enough” period.

Rejecting these cultural messages and learning to be our own best friend is a wonderful antidote to the negative effects of self-criticism. In her highly researched book on self-compassion, Dr. Kristen Neff explains that although it may seem as though being self-compassionate would lead to laziness, de-motivation, and passivity, actually the reverse is true: self- compassion decreases the pain of self-criticism and increase optimism, calmness, and happiness. (Kristen Neff, 2011)

Other research has found that being self-compassionate can reduce procrastination and lead to quickly getting back on track with activities and creating a meaningful life. (Linda Graham, 2014)

Being self-compassionate is not about being narcissistic either. On the contrary, self-compassion helps us better understand vulnerability and self-criticism as part of the human condition: we are able to be more empathetic and compassionate in connecting with others.

Choosing a mantra that expresses the essence of self-compassion is a great strategy. The following verse is Dr. Neff’s personal mantra:

This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.

There is great power in self-compassion and self-appreciation and it’s only a thought or two away.
A note of caution: The process of self-compassion involves acknowledging and noticing our suffering. If that suffering is intense and overwhelming it may not be wise to confront the reality of the suffering alone and without support. The most self-compassionate strategy in these circumstances may be to seek professional support and counseling.